I was reading an article yesterday on HuffPost about how the honeymoon between the media and presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Barak Obama might be coming to an end. It was quoted in the article that Obama has been coming off as "arrogant" as of late.
So hold on for a second here? You mean to tell me, this guy, who just about every media outlet (aside from probably FOX News) has been fawning over for the last twelve months is just now starting to get a little cocky? Really?
I recall an episode of The Daily Show where Obama was a guest, and as we was being teased into the show by Jon Stewart, they played "Halilujia," as if he was the democrat's Messiah.
And you're upset he'd developed what you may think is a "complex?"
Truth be told, Barack Obama is the Democratic Party's Second Coming, and with good reason. Here you have this Kennedesque politician (gasp, a minority at that! I'm sure the ACLU creamed their pants when he became the front runner, finally picking up Hilary's limp swollen head, placing her open mouth on the corner of a curb, and stomping her into oblivion, ala "American History X" or that one episode of the last season of "The Sopranos") who for the first time in almost a decade doesn't come off as either a boring college prof robot or a dick who talks out of both sides of his mouth. You have a candidate with a spine, good looks, and a plan.
The motherfucker went to Germany, and put more people in one place than a Scorpion's concert.
He's a rockstar, and yeah, maybe he's getting a little bit of a big head over all of this shit. I mean, while he's speaking to the krauts, his chief rival, John McCain is doing a club show in Wilkes -Barre, PA in some shoe factory or some shit. I mean, seriously.
But then again, who seems more down to Earth?
I did a little soul searching on that question, as in, who would I be more comfortable with as president, the rockstar or the everyman? Who would lead us better?
Back in 2003 or 04, a poll was taken and Americans stated that they'd be more comfortable sitting down at a bar and having a beer with G-Dub than John Kerry. Bush was more approachable it seemed, and at that point in our Nation's History, we hadn't totally fucked ourselves in Iraq "too hard" yet.
Based on this, (and some other things I considered that will remain in private) I want a rockstar for a president. Clinton was a rockstar, Regan was a rockstar, from what I can remember, Kennedy and both Roosevelts were rockstars. The country needs a cocky coxswain to steer us on a right course, not some swinging dick that you wouldn't mind having a beer with.
You could argue that Bush is/was cocky and arrogant as well, but he didn't become that way until he locked down his second term, and no longer gave a flying fuck about his administration. He basically treated his second term and the country like I treat my beat to shit 1998 S10, where I know it needs a lot of work if I want it to last another few months, but fuck it, I'm getting rid of it soon anyway, why not beat it into the ground a little harder for a goof?
Media: Let Obama be. When and if he takes the throne, he's going to have a lot of work cut out for him, so why not let him play up the part a little bit, and give the world the idea that America's still on track wth being a little pretentious, a little arrogant, and a little dashing all in one. Let him have his swagger and loose tie. Let's be progressive for once and ditch the whole "Old white guy as president" thing. I mean, yeah it's safe, but only because we've never experienced anything else.
Let the old white guys do their thing with running Mtv, The GAP and Congress. Let's put a rockstar on the stage and watch him perform.
Showing posts with label web. Show all posts
Showing posts with label web. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
You're An Idiot, Vol 1.
Sometimes people don't know they're completely retarded. Other times, people around said idiot don't realize that person is completely inept in all facets of life, either. The latter is the case of Carlos Mencia.
So I figured that I would start breaking down ways to tell if you yourself, or someone you love, is a collossal idiot. This month: How Your Choice in Movies Makes You an Asshole.
My roommate tends to go see a lot of movies because he's only 19 and there's not much else the poor boy can do legally in these parts. As a by-product of this, he sees a lot of shitty films, only, he doesn't realize what a shitty film is.
Tell tale signs you're watching a shitty film:
-Stars Mark Walhberg in a leading role (excemption: "Boogie Nights")
-Is from "two of the six writers of 'Scary Movie'"
-A Wayans touched it.
-Star mugs for the camera every chance they get, during the preview.
What's unfortunate is that the majority of the American movie-going population falls under the same umbrella as my hapless roommate. No one really knows what a shitty movie-going experience is. Sure, they can be annoyed as they sit in the theatre by other patrons/sticky floors, but they neglect to realize that what's on the screen plays a large part in dumbing themselves down.
I pay a lot of attention to film reviews, but mostly I can just tell if a movie is going to be utter shit. I can see the preview either at the theatre, or on tv, and just know. It's hard to explain, and yes, it's just short of judging a book by it's cover, but I know when there's a film not worth my ten dollars. It has a certain stink to it; an aroma that's not unlike dead fish under a hot sun.
I've also been wrong before too, but not often. I had both written off "Gladiator" and "Ironman" as forgettable summer "blockbusters" and pleasently surprised how much I enjoyed those two films. "Gladiator" is actually one of my all time favorites. And I've missed the call too, thinking "The Kingdom" last Fall's forgetable Jaime Foxx-middle eastern terrorist cash-in pic was going to be epic, but found it was largely disappointing.
This was an actual (albeit paraphrased for these purposes) conversation I had with my roommate a few weeks ago:
RM: Dude, let's go see 'Love Guru!'
(He constantly tries to bait me into going to movies. Honestly, I feel awful that I don't go with him, but given his taste in film, I'd rather inject rat poison directly into my eyeballs)
Me: Umm, no.
RM: Why not?!
Me: Because it looks terrible, Mike Meyers is a one trick pony who thinks that because he dresses in various fat suits and costumes, he can fool movie goers into thinking he's talented and has range as an actor. His latest film only reinforces that. Except for the first Austin Powers, each one of his films to date is basically a stretched, unfunny SNL skit.
The RM gives me a blank stare.
RM: Ok, let's go see 'Meet Dave.' I know you want to see that!
And I appriciate his enthusiasm. I really do. But again, to infer that I 'want to see' 'Meet Dave', the abysmal Eddie Murphy - 'Men in Black' - Bootleg - Vehicle, is somewhat insulting.
Me: No.
Rm: Sigh, why not?
Me: Have you seen the previews of that movie?! I'm not going to subject myself to another one of Eddie Murphy's ego-tripped-tipped yawnfests. You know why all of his movies in the last ten years have starred just Eddie Murphy playing different characters? It's because no other actor in Hollywood will work with him. He's an enormous asshole, and he continues to make films that make me want to eat a bagel laced with broken shards of glass and AIDS needles.
RM: Well, I'm gonna go, peace out.
And so he goes, and sure enough, two hours later, this is what I get:
RM: Yeah bro, "Meet Dave" sucked.
In other news, I tell my roommate that the stove top is hot, he touches it, gets burned. More at 11.
Seriously though, I browse through rottentomatoes all the time, and read through the (obviously) bad reviews for some of these films I know to be bad. I don't know why I do it, I just do it. Maybe I'm reinforcing my talent for picking stinkers a mile away, or maybe I like seeing a man being kicked while he's down. Regardless, what blows me away is some of the POSITIVE reviews that are kinda sprinkled over the critics review pages for movies that should otherwised be banned from viewing.
This gem from the 'Hancock' page:
"Smith proves again, he's the king of summer blockbusters in this truly genius alt-concept of Super Hero (his caps) genre movies!" -Kit Comner, Ain't It Cool News.
Now I understand studios sometimes pay off film critics to write "good reviews" on what the studio will know to be a film DOA at the theatre. But I mean, these people look like complete assholes next to the other 97% of the critics, who were not being paid, who actually wrote down what they thought.
Only if you were say, a President of the United States, had an approval rating hovering around 26% and still thought you couldhelp the presumptive GOP candidate would you be a bigger idiot.
So I figured that I would start breaking down ways to tell if you yourself, or someone you love, is a collossal idiot. This month: How Your Choice in Movies Makes You an Asshole.
My roommate tends to go see a lot of movies because he's only 19 and there's not much else the poor boy can do legally in these parts. As a by-product of this, he sees a lot of shitty films, only, he doesn't realize what a shitty film is.
Tell tale signs you're watching a shitty film:
-Stars Mark Walhberg in a leading role (excemption: "Boogie Nights")
-Is from "two of the six writers of 'Scary Movie'"
-A Wayans touched it.
-Star mugs for the camera every chance they get, during the preview.
What's unfortunate is that the majority of the American movie-going population falls under the same umbrella as my hapless roommate. No one really knows what a shitty movie-going experience is. Sure, they can be annoyed as they sit in the theatre by other patrons/sticky floors, but they neglect to realize that what's on the screen plays a large part in dumbing themselves down.
I pay a lot of attention to film reviews, but mostly I can just tell if a movie is going to be utter shit. I can see the preview either at the theatre, or on tv, and just know. It's hard to explain, and yes, it's just short of judging a book by it's cover, but I know when there's a film not worth my ten dollars. It has a certain stink to it; an aroma that's not unlike dead fish under a hot sun.
I've also been wrong before too, but not often. I had both written off "Gladiator" and "Ironman" as forgettable summer "blockbusters" and pleasently surprised how much I enjoyed those two films. "Gladiator" is actually one of my all time favorites. And I've missed the call too, thinking "The Kingdom" last Fall's forgetable Jaime Foxx-middle eastern terrorist cash-in pic was going to be epic, but found it was largely disappointing.
This was an actual (albeit paraphrased for these purposes) conversation I had with my roommate a few weeks ago:
RM: Dude, let's go see 'Love Guru!'
(He constantly tries to bait me into going to movies. Honestly, I feel awful that I don't go with him, but given his taste in film, I'd rather inject rat poison directly into my eyeballs)
Me: Umm, no.
RM: Why not?!
Me: Because it looks terrible, Mike Meyers is a one trick pony who thinks that because he dresses in various fat suits and costumes, he can fool movie goers into thinking he's talented and has range as an actor. His latest film only reinforces that. Except for the first Austin Powers, each one of his films to date is basically a stretched, unfunny SNL skit.
The RM gives me a blank stare.
RM: Ok, let's go see 'Meet Dave.' I know you want to see that!
And I appriciate his enthusiasm. I really do. But again, to infer that I 'want to see' 'Meet Dave', the abysmal Eddie Murphy - 'Men in Black' - Bootleg - Vehicle, is somewhat insulting.
Me: No.
Rm: Sigh, why not?
Me: Have you seen the previews of that movie?! I'm not going to subject myself to another one of Eddie Murphy's ego-tripped-tipped yawnfests. You know why all of his movies in the last ten years have starred just Eddie Murphy playing different characters? It's because no other actor in Hollywood will work with him. He's an enormous asshole, and he continues to make films that make me want to eat a bagel laced with broken shards of glass and AIDS needles.
RM: Well, I'm gonna go, peace out.
And so he goes, and sure enough, two hours later, this is what I get:
RM: Yeah bro, "Meet Dave" sucked.
In other news, I tell my roommate that the stove top is hot, he touches it, gets burned. More at 11.
Seriously though, I browse through rottentomatoes all the time, and read through the (obviously) bad reviews for some of these films I know to be bad. I don't know why I do it, I just do it. Maybe I'm reinforcing my talent for picking stinkers a mile away, or maybe I like seeing a man being kicked while he's down. Regardless, what blows me away is some of the POSITIVE reviews that are kinda sprinkled over the critics review pages for movies that should otherwised be banned from viewing.
This gem from the 'Hancock' page:
"Smith proves again, he's the king of summer blockbusters in this truly genius alt-concept of Super Hero (his caps) genre movies!" -Kit Comner, Ain't It Cool News.
Now I understand studios sometimes pay off film critics to write "good reviews" on what the studio will know to be a film DOA at the theatre. But I mean, these people look like complete assholes next to the other 97% of the critics, who were not being paid, who actually wrote down what they thought.
Only if you were say, a President of the United States, had an approval rating hovering around 26% and still thought you couldhelp the presumptive GOP candidate would you be a bigger idiot.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Lazy Sunday: Pic Post
Fuck it, I'm phoning it in for this article, because that's been my general state of mind this entire weekend (more on that later). So here's some pics I found around the web that I ... find... interesting, along with my comments.
Lastly, what Wilford Brimley's been up to between tapings of Life Insurance commercials. Note the two kids in the background looking on in complete mortification. Baby's got back.
Fuck my editors.
Ok, here's the first pic - Chinese commandos are preparing for the Beijing Olympics next week. Obviously China's preparing to counter terrorists with tiny machine guns and circus-like shenanigans.
Up next, why the Iraqis are failing miserably at taking over their own country's security. Hey Ahmed, you're supposed to stand BEHIND the weapon.
Lastly, what Wilford Brimley's been up to between tapings of Life Insurance commercials. Note the two kids in the background looking on in complete mortification. Baby's got back.Friday, June 27, 2008
Buyer Beware
For the longest time I've been a huge proponent of actually paying for the music I download. I understand how incredibly stupid that sounds, when at any given time, day, place even the most inept person behind the controls of a computer (hi dad!) can find and download their favorite hits for free.
I've always had the mind set that you get what you pay for. There's a reason why the shitty "on sale" power drill is on sale, and the Makita is 300.00 USD. The same principles can be applied to Wendys and White Castle, Sony and LG, Disneyworld and Busch Gardens.
These things are better, won't break down on you, won't give you horrible spraying shits that coat the bowl is fecal spatter, and won't make your kids wonder why you're such a dead beat. The extra you're paying for is convienence, the ability to be rest assured that things are going to be ok.
So when faced spending 99% of one dollar to download a song, I don't see it as a huge deal. I've always figured that for the price of a dollar I was not paying for a song, but guarenteeing that what I was getting was a quality download of the exact song I wanted, without some dickweed teenager's trojan virus-laced coding within my copy of Busta Rhymes "Pass The Couvousier (remix.)".
But the downside to paying a dollar for a song off of iTunes is that shit adds up quick. Like the proverbial Lays Potato Chip, you can't have just one. I started to look at my credit card receipt (which I use to download music from the iTunes Store) and noticed that the bulk of my purchases from iTunes was hovering around about 10 to 15 bucks a month. And when you're dropping triple that on gas every two weeks, plus groceries, etc, it's quickly realized it's an unneeded expense.
So I started to ask around about free downloading sites or "torrents." Which ones were good, which ones to stay clear of, etc. The Lady turned me on (...) to uTorrent where you get a host of five or six other torrent sites that feed off of each other through one search. She downloaded it to my beleagured Dell laptop (I also trusted her because she was running pretty much the same programme on her beloved iMac book) and started to rob the music industry at mousepoint.
This wasn't my first foray into the world of illegally downloaded music; as mentioned before I had dabbled in this practice well before the days of iTunes. If you're reading this and are under the age of 21, you probably have no clue that Napster at one time used to be 100% free, and spawned warped and horribly virus-ridden children in the form of Morpheus, BearShare, LimeWire, etc, not unsimilar to how Gaea spawned the Greek Gods by slicing open Chronus's ballsack.
These programmes fed off the "Peer2Peer" networking system which allowed you to download files from multiple people or "sources" at once.
Have you ever been to an orgy? I have (hi mom!), and it's not as cool as you'd think it would be (if that's your thing) because it's literally a clusterfuck. People stepping all over each other, not knowing names or even faces, just literally fucking each other over to get what you want. And as we all know, unprotected sex with multiple people - as in transmitting files indiscriminately - can lead to viruses. This has always been a major concern of mine, on both the literal and figurative fronts.
So I left the "free" world of downloading music (and I say "free" with quotes because really, nothing is free, what you skimp on with cost of a download, you pay for with some Asian nerd wiping your harddrive at the price of 65.00 USD an hour) and started to pay for it. Whatever, it's only a dollar.
And there were considerable advantages to paying for the download: It didn't take literally all day (or multiple days) to finishing downloading a song or album. And when the song or album finished, you weren't left with some piss-poor quality, purposely mislabled, recorded-in-a-basement garage band/wanna-be rapper.
Nothing is more irratating than searching for Ice Cube's 1994 album "The Predator" and coming back with some cock-smoker's own personal rendition of "It Was A Good Day."
All in all I've found that using a torrent isn't that bad. I haven't had a lot of issues with the downloads, only that the reception is spotty and it takes, at it's fastest, up to an hour to download some stuff. I do miss the point-click-download-play function that made iTunes so great, along with the album art, because I'm incredibly impatient and have an ever decreasing attention span.
I'm curious to see if with gas prices going up, will iTunes do something to prevent more consumers from jumping ship as I have? Will they recognize that people in their targeted demographic (which would be iPod owners, which is virtually everyone) pass on filling their iPod in leu of filling their tanks? Someone should call up Steve Jobs and present him with this problem so that we (and by "we" I mean, Me. Capitalized. That's right.) can get the best of both worlds. Either start having gas stations hand out free iTunes gift cards with every x amount of gallons pumped, or Apple can start handing out free gas cards with every dollar amount purchased on iTunes.
It'd be win-win for everyone involved.
I've always had the mind set that you get what you pay for. There's a reason why the shitty "on sale" power drill is on sale, and the Makita is 300.00 USD. The same principles can be applied to Wendys and White Castle, Sony and LG, Disneyworld and Busch Gardens.
These things are better, won't break down on you, won't give you horrible spraying shits that coat the bowl is fecal spatter, and won't make your kids wonder why you're such a dead beat. The extra you're paying for is convienence, the ability to be rest assured that things are going to be ok.
So when faced spending 99% of one dollar to download a song, I don't see it as a huge deal. I've always figured that for the price of a dollar I was not paying for a song, but guarenteeing that what I was getting was a quality download of the exact song I wanted, without some dickweed teenager's trojan virus-laced coding within my copy of Busta Rhymes "Pass The Couvousier (remix.)".
But the downside to paying a dollar for a song off of iTunes is that shit adds up quick. Like the proverbial Lays Potato Chip, you can't have just one. I started to look at my credit card receipt (which I use to download music from the iTunes Store) and noticed that the bulk of my purchases from iTunes was hovering around about 10 to 15 bucks a month. And when you're dropping triple that on gas every two weeks, plus groceries, etc, it's quickly realized it's an unneeded expense.
So I started to ask around about free downloading sites or "torrents." Which ones were good, which ones to stay clear of, etc. The Lady turned me on (...) to uTorrent where you get a host of five or six other torrent sites that feed off of each other through one search. She downloaded it to my beleagured Dell laptop (I also trusted her because she was running pretty much the same programme on her beloved iMac book) and started to rob the music industry at mousepoint.
This wasn't my first foray into the world of illegally downloaded music; as mentioned before I had dabbled in this practice well before the days of iTunes. If you're reading this and are under the age of 21, you probably have no clue that Napster at one time used to be 100% free, and spawned warped and horribly virus-ridden children in the form of Morpheus, BearShare, LimeWire, etc, not unsimilar to how Gaea spawned the Greek Gods by slicing open Chronus's ballsack.
These programmes fed off the "Peer2Peer" networking system which allowed you to download files from multiple people or "sources" at once.
Have you ever been to an orgy? I have (hi mom!), and it's not as cool as you'd think it would be (if that's your thing) because it's literally a clusterfuck. People stepping all over each other, not knowing names or even faces, just literally fucking each other over to get what you want. And as we all know, unprotected sex with multiple people - as in transmitting files indiscriminately - can lead to viruses. This has always been a major concern of mine, on both the literal and figurative fronts.
So I left the "free" world of downloading music (and I say "free" with quotes because really, nothing is free, what you skimp on with cost of a download, you pay for with some Asian nerd wiping your harddrive at the price of 65.00 USD an hour) and started to pay for it. Whatever, it's only a dollar.
And there were considerable advantages to paying for the download: It didn't take literally all day (or multiple days) to finishing downloading a song or album. And when the song or album finished, you weren't left with some piss-poor quality, purposely mislabled, recorded-in-a-basement garage band/wanna-be rapper.
Nothing is more irratating than searching for Ice Cube's 1994 album "The Predator" and coming back with some cock-smoker's own personal rendition of "It Was A Good Day."
All in all I've found that using a torrent isn't that bad. I haven't had a lot of issues with the downloads, only that the reception is spotty and it takes, at it's fastest, up to an hour to download some stuff. I do miss the point-click-download-play function that made iTunes so great, along with the album art, because I'm incredibly impatient and have an ever decreasing attention span.
I'm curious to see if with gas prices going up, will iTunes do something to prevent more consumers from jumping ship as I have? Will they recognize that people in their targeted demographic (which would be iPod owners, which is virtually everyone) pass on filling their iPod in leu of filling their tanks? Someone should call up Steve Jobs and present him with this problem so that we (and by "we" I mean, Me. Capitalized. That's right.) can get the best of both worlds. Either start having gas stations hand out free iTunes gift cards with every x amount of gallons pumped, or Apple can start handing out free gas cards with every dollar amount purchased on iTunes.
It'd be win-win for everyone involved.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
The Move
I've been toying around with the idea of getting rid of my Myspace.com account for probably about a year now. It started out as a thought, and then kinda bloomed into this whole ambitious undertaking that you see before you now.
My reasons for leaving myspace (for the second time) are far and wide: I was mostly tired of having to delete armies of cambot friend requests, the massive amounts of ads taking up space along the boarders of my home page, the frequent site crashes. I was pretty much disgusted with the site as a whole, from the people I would randomly come across and their shitty pages which made my urethra burn when I took the actual time to read what little they had to say; from fifteen year olds in parent's bathrooms wearing nothing but underwear, to creepy forty year olds sitting in front of their computer's web cam with goofy, sadistic looking grins on their faces, I had enough.
It was the cesspool of social networking sites. It was too big. It ballooned like a grotesque glutton, literally over two hundred-million pounds in size. The only thing that can save Myspace is self destruction. Tom needs to push the red button.
As I said before, this isn't the first time I've left myspace out of utter disgust. I left back in the summer of 2006 for a period of about ten weeks. I wanted to get away from the site for the above mentioned reasons and found it no longer useful to my day to day life.
But I went back, inexplicably; even now I can't imagine why I would've gone back. Maybe because people loved my writing and I had no other outlet that would let me write and post my pictures (both self portraits and random things, ad nauseum). Maybe I needed the attention? I'm not saying that I don't still need those things, I mean, c'mon people, this is me we're talking about. I just no longer want to piss in the same pool as hundred of millions of scrotes.
Call me an elitist. Whatever.
So I moved to Facebook, and started this new blog because Facebook doesn't support long drawn out ramblings filled with mixed metaphors and references to pharmaceutical abuse. I'm going to try to find a way to link both of these things together with some sort of feed or rss link, whatever, so I can keep fans informed of when I post.
Also, I took liberty in bringing over last months posts. Originally I wanted to bring over all my old articles so people could browse through at their leisure, especially after I'm gone off to training, but I hadn't realized how big my old blog was. And there was a lot of crap in their I didn't feel like re-visiting.
So below, there's maybe 5 or 6 recent posts, just to give this thing some momentum. Keep an eye out for new updates, maybe twice a week-maybe more, maybe less. And if you're on facebook, feel free to look me up.
My reasons for leaving myspace (for the second time) are far and wide: I was mostly tired of having to delete armies of cambot friend requests, the massive amounts of ads taking up space along the boarders of my home page, the frequent site crashes. I was pretty much disgusted with the site as a whole, from the people I would randomly come across and their shitty pages which made my urethra burn when I took the actual time to read what little they had to say; from fifteen year olds in parent's bathrooms wearing nothing but underwear, to creepy forty year olds sitting in front of their computer's web cam with goofy, sadistic looking grins on their faces, I had enough.
It was the cesspool of social networking sites. It was too big. It ballooned like a grotesque glutton, literally over two hundred-million pounds in size. The only thing that can save Myspace is self destruction. Tom needs to push the red button.
As I said before, this isn't the first time I've left myspace out of utter disgust. I left back in the summer of 2006 for a period of about ten weeks. I wanted to get away from the site for the above mentioned reasons and found it no longer useful to my day to day life.
But I went back, inexplicably; even now I can't imagine why I would've gone back. Maybe because people loved my writing and I had no other outlet that would let me write and post my pictures (both self portraits and random things, ad nauseum). Maybe I needed the attention? I'm not saying that I don't still need those things, I mean, c'mon people, this is me we're talking about. I just no longer want to piss in the same pool as hundred of millions of scrotes.
Call me an elitist. Whatever.
So I moved to Facebook, and started this new blog because Facebook doesn't support long drawn out ramblings filled with mixed metaphors and references to pharmaceutical abuse. I'm going to try to find a way to link both of these things together with some sort of feed or rss link, whatever, so I can keep fans informed of when I post.
Also, I took liberty in bringing over last months posts. Originally I wanted to bring over all my old articles so people could browse through at their leisure, especially after I'm gone off to training, but I hadn't realized how big my old blog was. And there was a lot of crap in their I didn't feel like re-visiting.
So below, there's maybe 5 or 6 recent posts, just to give this thing some momentum. Keep an eye out for new updates, maybe twice a week-maybe more, maybe less. And if you're on facebook, feel free to look me up.
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