The Things My Roommate Says, Vol 2

A whole new batch of insane mutterings from my 19 year old Las Vegan roommate:

-Dude, I'm going to be a *whispers* spy! No one would expect me!

-You know what, you're Sundown. You're the black dude with the aviators. You're not even Iceman or Goose. No, you're not Sundown, you're Hollywood. You never even made it to Top Gun.

-I couldn't sleep last night. I watched something on the news about these kids that got involved in a drug deal and the deal went bad. So the one kid took out a Samurai Sword and chopped off the head of the other kid. That's why I couldn't fall asleep.

-(At Wendy's, opening up his burger and inspecting the contents) Does this look like drugs? I think someone's trying to drug me....

-Let me borrow your sunglasses. No? Ok, let me borrow one of your black t shirts. And your leather jacket. The brown leather one. ...And your bike. For like five minutes.

-I dropped my waterbottle outside on the ground by my truck and then I sipped out of it. Do you think that'd make me fail a drug test?

-I need a cross bow to protect myself. (Someone asks him 'from what?') Ninjas.

-I'm gonna go to the movies. I'm getting two tickets, one for me, and one for Dr. Kenneth Noisewater. (I ask him who that is) That's my dick. I'm going to the movies with my dick and I'm going to buy him popcorn.

-Hook me up with your girlfriend's sister. She's going through an emotional transition right now and needs a guy like me.